


Small Steps

by howtogetawaywithprocrastination



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Birthday boy Jace, M/M, Sadness, Simon being a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 03:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16548020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtogetawaywithprocrastination/pseuds/howtogetawaywithprocrastination
Summary: Jace is the birthday boy but he really does not have a party mood.





	Small Steps

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU in where they have known each other since they were teens and went to school together. I didn't explore much of the past or anything, just the present, in general.

It was past midnight and it was his birthday and Jace was not really feeling festive at all. Nothing major has happened, not really, but there was just a sadness in him that he did not knew where it came from.

 

Well, he did know. He was afraid of the future so he just sat outside in the cold night, on the rooftop of his building. The blond was watching everything and nothing at the same time, he was immerse in thoughts while paying attention to the street bellow. It was like he was doing nothing at all while doing a lot. It was a mess of contradictions and if he was honest, that was all he was feeling lately. So, why would his birthday be any different?

 

He took his cellphone out of his pocket and saw that he had some birthday wish texts and he scrolled by them without giving it much thought. They were mainly from his siblings, so he would answer later. Preferably when he wasn’t feeling like trash.

 

It really was not the case that something specific had happened and made him feel bad. It was the fact that it seemed that he was not good enough, at least he never felt like he was. Abandonment issues, he was sure he heard Magnus say that to Alec one night when the both of them thought he was sleeping.

 

Magnus was not wrong, probably. Jace should see a psychologist, really, but he didn’t know how to reach out to get help. It was not easy, you see. He did not want to look weak or vulnerable, so, you see, once again he was conflicted.

 

It was easier to just ignore his conflicted brain.

 

But it was not, in fact.

 

His brain was a mess. Maybe because of his father, who was not his father. Maybe because of the fact that he always loved but never seemed to be loved back and got cheated, hurt and left. Not always all of them and not always in that order, too.

 

His phone buzzed and he looked at it, and he, involuntarily, smiled.

 

“Go, shawty. It’s your birthday, we gonna party like it’s your birthday!” It was a text from Simon and Jace could not stop the fondness that washed over him even if he tried.

 

“Nice one Lewis, feels like the 00’s all over again.” Was all he answered back, hoping for sarcastic and cool.

 

“You know you love it. Now, what are you wearing right now?” He raised an eyebrow when he read the answer.

 

“Are you trying to sext me? Unbelievable. It’s my bday, not yours. You won’t be that lucky.” And just like that, he felt a whole lot better.

 

Simon was his rock, to be honest. Although Jace did not know what they really were - if they were lovers or just friends with certain benefits - but what he did know is that he could be carefree around Simon. The brunet did not judge him and was always ready to listen and support him if needed. Not that Jace showed that he needed a lot of times, since he was afraid, still.

 

 

“Hah, funny. No. I want to pick you up, we have a party to attend.”

 

And he was so not in the mood for parties. Or people. Well, just people in general.

 

“Make me.”

 

 

“Oh, don’t doubt that I will, sunshine. Where are you?”

 

“Home.”

 

“No, you’re not. I’m ringing your bell and you are not answering.”

 

“I am, though. But... a little bit up.”

 

“Well, isn’t that ominous. Up like in heaven, angel?” That got him a joyful laugh. Simon was so cheesy but smooth, nonetheless.

“Why are you so embarassing? Up like on the rooftop.”

 

After that, a screech filled the air, as if the rusted metallic door of the rooftop was opened.

 

“Oh, I know that. I was just messing with you, really, blondie.” Came the soft and cheerful voice behind him.

 

“You’re here already?” Jace was confused, but happy, anyway. He should have guessed that Simon would show up, the guy knew him better than anyone, after all.

 

“Of course. I was on my way here when I began texting you.” The brunet blinked and sat down next to him.

 

“Suave.”

 

“I’d say so, yeah.” And he did not waste a second and put his arm around Jace’s shoulders, bringing the blond to a sided hug. “Now, I’d love to stay here all night but it’s freezing cold. What are you doing here?”

 

“Just trying to think,” came the soft reply.

 

“Not in the mood for partying, then?”

 

“No... Not really.”

 

“That’s fine, I can work with that. Fancy going back to yours, then? We can just coexist in silence if that’s what you want but I seriously can’t just coexist in this cold.”

 

Simon brushed a kiss to Jace’s shoulder as he said that and let his chin rest on it.

 

“Weak.” The blond was pretending to be serious but he could not keep the smile out of his voice.

 

“I prefer sane, but whatever makes you happy, darling.” And as the brunet said that, he bit gently onto the other.

 

“You’re using pet names. Should I be worried that you’re trying to steal my heart, Lewis?”

 

“Cheeky. You are lucky you are so pretty.” Next, it came a touch to the cheek, like Jace was the most precious thing in the world. Maybe he was, to Simon. He still was afraid that he was just projecting.

 

“I knew you were not around because of my charming personality. A shame. I have a wonderful personality, if I say so myself.” So he protected himself with wit and sarcasm.

 

“That you have, babe. Now, please let’s go inside. I have ice cream stored somewhere in your freezer, let’s eat it and be sad if you want. I will let you because you’re the birthday boy, after all.”

After saying that, Simon got up and extended his hands to help the other boy.

 

“Does that mean I can have anything?” Jace asked unsure.

 

“Yeah, sure. What is it that you want?”

 

“I... nothing.” He stopped for a second, shaking his head as if he was trying to shake the thoughts out of his head. “It’s stupid.”

 

“Try me.” The brunet said valiantly, as if daring Jace. It was ridiculously adorable for anyone’s sake, really.

 

“Like... Would you not... leave?” And by the lord, if that wasn’t one of the most difficult things he have ever said. But he guessed he had to try to get his message across, only if for communications and their sort-of-relationship’s sake.

 

“In the morning, you mean?” Simon asked a bit confused, not sure what the other one meant.

 

“No... Like... Me. Don’t... Leave me.” The way the blond said that, so broken and looking so small made Simon hold him tight against him, trapping him in a hug.

 

“Oh, love. I will never leave you.” He murmured against the blond locks of hair, pressing small kisses wherever he could.

 

“That’s what people always say, isn’t it?”

 

The brunet put some distance between them and looked Jace in the eye. He was trying to get his message across and wanted to be sure that the other one would believe him.

 

“Guess I just have to keep true to my word, then, don’t I?” And he smiled softly, like that was all Jace needed to know and believe. Because, it was indeed all Jace needed to believe; that Simon would stay true to his word like he always has. Like the time he said he would make sure Jace got home safely and he did, even if it meant he got punched by a drunk stranger. Or the time Jace needed a way out of school, some years ago, when they still studied, and Jace lied to everyone and made sure that the blond could stay at his house without anyone finding out. No one did, thankfully, but the truth is - even if it might cause trouble to Simon, he always stood up for Jace, so he has to believe him.

  
”Guess you have.”

 

“That’s right. Now, would my pretty birthday boy come home with me so I can spoon the living shit out of him?” The seriousness in the boy’s voice was too much for the blond to keep a straight face, so he laughed a bit.

 

“How utterly romantic of you, I don’t know how I haven’t proposed before.” Jace said, rolling is eyes fondly.

 

“You still have time, don’t worry, sweetheart. It’s not like I’m planning on leaving.” Simon said with the most sweet smile, already walking to the entrance of the building and pulling Jace with him gently.

 

“Guess you’re not.”

 

And that was enough for now. Even though he was still feeling a bit sad even now, and even if he knew Simon was not the solution to his problems; that he needed help, like serious help, he also knew that when the day he could ask for it came, he could always count on Simon. So, for that, it was more than enough for now.

 

Small steps, he said to himself. Small steps.

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's my birthday and I'm just not feeling it so, this happened. I'm sorry if it's a bit angsty.   
> Anyway, thanks for reading. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask and if you liked this and feel like leaving a comment, it will be appreciated!


End file.
